Telling Your Children
For many parents, telling their children about an upcoming divorce is one of the most difficult steps of the entire process. Divorcing parents are in the arduous position of delivering painful, life-altering news to children whom they have always tried to protect. Individuals whose own parents did not divorce may regret depriving their children of an "intact" family. Individuals whose parents did divorce may have hoped to spare their children a similar experience. In either case, guilt and doubt may consume divorcing parents.
However, by recognizing the specific nature of one's feelings and the many influences, past and present, triggering them, one can begin to metabolize those feelings and to be less paralyzed by them. Consequently, it may be easier to develop some measure of clarity and resolution, to weight the advantages and disadvantages of one's options, and to make choices consciously and conscientiously. Informing other people, even one's children, may then be more manageable.
If you are finding it particularly challenging to initiate this conversation with your children, it is likely that you need more time to process your decision. Once you are less ambivalent about it, and can begin to conceive a future where your children still have ample opportunity for happy and healthy lives as well as ongoing relationships with both parents, it may be easier for you to convey those beliefs in a confident and reassuring way to your children.
Guidelines for developing a mindset that enables you to feel competent in this and subsequent conversations with your children about your plans to divorce are available upon request via e-mail.
